If they wrote a Help Wanted ad for the job of parenting, who would have the guts to apply?
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus.
Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project.
Must reconcile petty cash reimbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life.
Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing aforementioned skills in conflict resolution.
Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."
Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack-mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half-million cheap plastic toys and battery operated devices. Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because 'fund-raiser' will be your middle name.
Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?"
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end-product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
--anonymous, contributed by Mary Herron Tieken